i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
