fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
