Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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