I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
