and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
