First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
