I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Need sex. Gaining weight.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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