i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
