I puked a lego.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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