Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
