That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
