Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
