i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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