I hate your face
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My hand turned me down
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
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