I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize