I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
