The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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