I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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