My Higher Power is John Stamos
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
