Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
