i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
