I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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