Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize