Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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