I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
