Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
