I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
