Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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