you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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