You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
