So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
