So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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