You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
