No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
