i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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