dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
