I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
