people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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