i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
