What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
sex in a hospital.. check
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
