I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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