its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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