I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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