Will you blow on my dice?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
