Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
ok first of all what the fuck
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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