Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
