yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They took my balls.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize