So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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