I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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