Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
