Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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