and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize