I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
