Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
