Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
