My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
