we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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