Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
