The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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