I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
