I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
