eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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