she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
