he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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