bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
