areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
